i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
