Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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