I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
