Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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