We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
