Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
