I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
