she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
