dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
