Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
