so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
