i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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