dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
