I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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