oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
