My nipple is on Facebook.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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