My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
