I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
