Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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