someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
