i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
