The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
