Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
