im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
