That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
