i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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