four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
