didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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