Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
