ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
