you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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