Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
