oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
