i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
