I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
