i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
