I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So much rum. So many feels.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
