North Korea, Best Korea!
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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