fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
