i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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