There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
