I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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