i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
