Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Holy sore nipples Batman
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
