Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
