the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
