please come you make the beer taste better
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
