I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
