I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
