Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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