Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
